I wish I had known about this earlier. It would have prevented me from spending a fortune and that’s the minor part. It would have prevented me from making my kids miserable. Now, that’s a significant issue. But I recovered and all in good time. But instead of telling you my story, allow me to ask you a question.
Your kid comes home from school, walking slowly toward you. His head droops a little, his eyes avoid yours, and one of his hands holds his report card. You look over his grades. The printed score in red jumps out of the card. “71 percent in Math?”
“With a glare in your eye and a scream in your voice, you say, “Why did you fail? You’ve been spending too much time on your computer and have not worked hard on your math!” Your kid keeps quiet. Any attempt to explain would elicit more comments from you. So he is being wise.
“I need to get you a tutor! Do you know how much money that will cost me?”
This was my script many years ago. If this is your script now, could you tell me where you and I went wrong? What was lacking?
What was lacking was that I failed to say, “Wow, Bryan, you’ve got an 88 percent in music. Have you thought of getting some more lessons on that?” Or I should have said, “Hannah, your score in arts is extraordinarily high. How would you like to improve on it?” Looking back, I should have said, “Rachel, you scored so high in English. Would you like me to buy you more books? You know, the kind you like?”
Here is the point: We are so focused on our weaknesses that we fail to appreciate our strengths. Book author and speaker Marcus Buckingham says, “What it reveals is that we’re wired to focus on problems rather than strengths.”
The same thing happens in practically every aspect of life. You’ve had friends who would spend countless hours analyzing why the relationship is falling apart. However, they have not investigated why things are working well in the areas that are.
As a businessman, I have been trained to fight fires, solve problems, and make quick decisions to rectify a wrong situation. And so, I take pride in defining and locating the weak areas. For the longest time, I have developed the habit of telling my staff:
“You know, team, this thing happened because you failed to do this.”
“April, you should have followed up this client…”
“Bryan, you spent too much time playing your drums…”
“Hannah, you did not work hard on your subjects; you packed in too many activities in your schedule…”
“Rachel, you have not prioritized your subjects…”
I may be correct, and in fact, I was most of the time, but I was wrong because I needed to recognize their areas of strength and build on them.
Today, things are a little different. I focus on their strengths, acknowledge, compliment and praise them, and I see my kids taking off.
Bryan and his lovely wife, Maxine, are expanding their food and ice cream business. They are confident and excited about developing new concepts and opening outlets everywhere.
Hannah has created a name for herself in designing wedding gowns and cocktail dresses, embarking on entrepreneurial endeavors with her husband Jason and opening shops that offer children safe and educational toys. On the other hand, Rachel is managing and handling the most difficult product of them all – her dad. She is now my manager and boss.
They all worked on their strengths and though they could have done better academically because they followed the footsteps of their dad, they are doing very well doing better in their areas of strength.
As a manager or a leader of your outfit, encourage people in their areas of strength and help them build their strength. Then, provide them with the necessary encouragement and tools to help them deal with their areas of weakness and do this more positively.
When you go to your workplace tomorrow, praise your people for their fantastic work. And two things will happen. One, your people would be surprised at first (others would probably be shocked with disbelief), but they will be inspired to do better, and two, you would make yourself a better person.
Scriptures remind us to encourage one another constantly. And now I know why – because it works!
Francis Kong’s “Inspiring Excellence” podcast is now available on Spotify, Apple, Google, or other podcast streaming platforms.
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