This story is about a simple-minded guy who bought his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The following year, he didn’t buy her anything.
When the mother-in-law asked why, the guy replied, “Because you still haven’t used the one I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started.
Christmas has a way of amplifying whatever we’re feeling. If you’re leaning into the peace and joy of Advent, those feelings grow brighter. But the holidays can magnify your weight if you’re grieving, stressed or worn out.
For leaders, this season can be incredibly intense. The higher your position in the organization, the more obligations and responsibilities require your presence and attention.
Just imagine how many company Christmas parties you will have to attend, even if you’re only going to “show face” and then move on to another gathering. Guess how many client Christmas celebrations you will have to grace with your presence?
After pouring your heart into all the celebrations, you often crash into Christmas with little left to give. And this year, in particular, may feel more draining than usual.
Yet, your greatest gift to your family is not under the tree—it’s your presence. So how can you give them the best version of you this Christmas?
Here are three practical ways to recharge and show up fully, even when your reserves are low:
1. Sharpen your conflict skills (Yes, you’ll need them)
Tired people are more irritable – it’s practically a law of nature. When exhaustion meets holiday stress, even small decisions can snowball into conflicts.
Holiday stress has a funny way of stirring up disagreements. That’s why it helps to bring your best self into moments of conflict, even when your patience is running thin.
Here’s a simple fix: prepare in advance. Consider the following ideas and see if they will help you de-escalate the stress and tension associated with the busy season.
2. Fix your overbooked calendar
A wise business mentor once told me to cap the scheduled portion of my workday at 75 percent. Why? Because life happens, and unplanned demands always creep in. As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned to cap my calendar at 50 percent to allow breathing room.
If your December calendar is jam-packed, it’s time to take a hard second look. What can you cancel, delegate or defer until after the holidays? Create a 25-percent margin for flexibility, rest or even sanity.
Once you do, you’ll feel a shift – a sense of spaciousness that allows you to approach work and family with greater clarity and focus.
Take this as a loving nudge on behalf of your family: stop reading for a moment and fix your calendar. You’ll thank yourself later.
3. Give yourself the gift of self-care
That margin you’ve just created? Use some of it to care for the person your family needs most: you.
Self-care isn’t selfish – it’s essential. What’s one thing you’ve been putting off that could replenish your heart, body, mind or soul? Maybe it’s an afternoon nap, an unhurried workout or a walk to dream and reflect. Perhaps it’s a long conversation with a friend or a couple of hours with that book you’ve meant to read.
Whatever it is, don’t keep bumping it down your priority list. Making space for self-care now will transform how you show up for your family this Christmas.
This year, give your family the gift of energy and joy. Walk into every room with a mindset of “Hey, there you are!” instead of “Here I am (and I’m barely hanging on).”
Create a spacious oasis before Christmas. Build better endings to heated conversations. Adjust your calendar. Renew your energy to see, celebrate, and be present with the people around you.
May your heart be full this Christmas season.
Francis Kong’s “Inspiring Excellence” podcast is now available on Spotify, Apple, Google, or other podcast streaming platforms.
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