Bursting the bubble on reality TV relationships

Your first kiss, the first “I love you” and your first fight are all formative parts of a relationship that most couples experience privately. But when all your firsts are broadcast to millions of people across the country, is your relationship doomed to fail before it’s even started?

On Wednesday Molly-Mae Hague announced her split from fiancé Tommy Fury, five years after they met on reality show Love Island.

The couple were seen as a rare success story that made even the most hardened of critics question whether it was actually possible to find true love on reality TV.

Now, former contestants are shedding a light on what life is really like after the cameras stop rolling – and reality TV relationship experts are sharing the secrets behind a successful coupling up.

Former Love Islanders Olivia and Alex Bowen, who were runners-up in the second series of the ITV2 show, explain to the BBC what being in a high-pressured and highly controlled environment was really like.

“It was surreal that we were in this bubble where everything was heightened and everything happens so fast,” former Love Islander Olivia Bowen tells the BBC.

The artificial setting can create a distorted sense of intimacy where relationships that might take months in the real world are fast-tracked.

“It was an intense environment but that helped us realise what we meant to each other quite quickly,” Olivia says, with Alex adding that it was like “being thrown in the deep end but it worked for us”.

Olivia and Alex, who have a son, say that “of course some people are there for fame”, but they are “proof that genuine relationships can come from these shows”.

Over the past decade, reality dating shows have soared in popularity – there’s everything from Married at First Sight where couples meet for the first time at the altar to Love is Blind where dating takes place blindly in pods, or simply Naked Attraction, where you really do see it all.

But, the premise of putting ordinary people into extraordinary environments remains the same.

Nabila Badda, a contestant on the same series as Molly-Mae and Tommy, says that in her experience, the environment was “artificial and forced” with everyone “fighting for airtime”.

“I could definitely feel that some were on there for the fame over love,” she says, suggesting that there’s a desire to stay in the game rather than pursue genuine connections.

With a record 3.6 million people tuning in to Molly-Mae and Tommy’s season, compared with just 570,000 in the first series, the show’s popularity has put it under heavy scrutiny.

Following the deaths of previous contestants Mike Thalassitis and Sophie Gradon and others such as Georgia Steel and Zara Lackenby-Brown speaking out about online trolling, the show has introduced a social media ban along with a host of other welfare measures.

As contestants on Love Island are encouraged to form romantic connections quickly and are not always genuine, cracks can start showing in couples almost immediately after the cameras are switched off.

Paul Brunson, a relationship coach on Married at First Sight and Celebs Go Dating, tells the BBC that the transition back to everyday life can be “challenging”.

This is especially the case when there are no producers to orchestrate romantic dates, and you start discussing whose turn it is to take the bins out.

“The biggest hurdle is moving from a world where every interaction is documented and dramatised to the quieter, more mundane reality of everyday life,” he says, adding that some couples have a “misconception that the excitement and drama of the show can or should continue indefinitely”.

Olivia and Alex recognise what Paul is talking about and both say it was a “massive shift”.

“I thought I’d go back to being a scaffolder, and Liv had her work in retail,” explains Alex, with Olivia adding that the “constant attention was completely alien to both of us” and it took time for them to adjust to a new life.

From almost the get-go of Love Island, popular contestants have signed big commercial deals as soon as they left the villa.

Season eight winner Ekin-Su Cülcüloğlu reportedly signed a major deal with Oh Polly, while PrettyLittleThing has partnered with several contestants over the years including Gemma Owen and Ella Thomas.

The sudden surge in fame means that every move and action becomes scrutinised by millions of fans and followers.

“Coming out of the villa, there’s this huge spotlight on you and it sometimes feels like people are waiting for you to fail,” explains 30-year-old Olivia. “There’s this expectation to be perfect, but relationships are far from that, and we had to learn quickly to block out the noise”.

In the case of Molly-Mae and Tommy, Alex thinks that the “intense media scrutiny probably didn’t help” and Olivia adds that it’s “heart-breaking to see a couple who have been through so much together split up, especially when there’s child involved”.

Celebs Go Dating matchmaker, Dr Tara Suwinyattichaiporn tells the BBC that the media scrutiny can be “quite brutal, especially for impressionable young couples” and if they lack emotional resilience, “it could cause the relationship to fail”.

But she adds that on the whole, the media have “actually been quite supportive of their relationship in the past”.

But, hope is not lost for all couples who meet on reality dating shows and they “aren’t inherently doomed” according to Paul.

Camilla Thurlow and Jamie Jewitt who met on the third season of Love Island in 2017 are now married with three children.

A few months after the show, Jamie told Metro that he and Camilla “get harassed by people saying all kinds of horrible things” and that sometimes it can “get too much”.

There are also couples from other reality dating shows that have withstood the test of time – Paul and Tasha from Married at First Sight declared their love for each other in the final vow ceremony and recently announced they were moving in together.

Dr Tara explains that the couples who thrive away from the cameras are ones who recognise they may need time away from the limelight to “establish a strong foundation based on their mutual values”.

As some couples have shown, with great communication, shared values, and a commitment to privacy, it is possible to build a lasting partnership even under the spotlight.